The Story of Candi - Sad Reality of Suicide

Following my passion and purpose of helping people change their lives, led me to study Industrial Psychology at University. However, dealing with chronic anxiety, depression and burnout within my family and myself, there was a worry that I could not deal with this ‘burden’ of others. It’s a really tough and dark journey and takes a lot out of you when trying to assist someone in getting out of the dark pit of despair.

I had also experienced a family suicide almost 10 years ago, and the thought of ever having to deal with that again was just something unthinkable.

However, the Universe knew where my purpose lay. Every single day of my life, the urge to use my gift and skills in helping people heal and transform led me to take my studies and experience further to becoming a certified Hypnotherapist and Professional Coach, which I have been doing for almost 3 years now.

Co-dependency

One of the key protocols when we are ‘assessing’ a patient with depression and/or anxiety is to determine whether suicide has ever entered their minds. And, more importantly, whether they have a plan in place. I have had a couple of clients where I knew they were borderline, and I immediately took the necessary steps to get them to a medical place of safety as an inpatient. All of these clients have progressed in these facilities and come out healthy and strong and I have then worked with them further to flourish.

However, the day I met Candi for a Discovery Call (initial call with a client before working with them), dread filled my body. As I looked into her eyes, I could see the dire desperation to leave the pain behind. In her eyes, she had already checked out. From what I could tell in our few moments together, Candi had grown up with co-dependency issues – her mom and sister had pretty much guided her every step of the way - and when she met the love of her life in her late 20’s, this role moved to her wife. They had a soul connection of a lifetime and beyond. So, when Charelle was diagnosed with cancer, their worlds were thrown into disarray. They gave it everything they had and Charelle’s tumour had started to reduce in size. Candi’s words to me were ‘I devoted myself to caring for Charelle. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew I had to keep her alive’.

You can imagine the shock and devastation when, out of the blue and with a shrinking tumour, Charelle passed away. The family believe it was due to the chemo which her frail body could no longer take.

Candi was lost and devastated. She had lost her wife, her lover, her best friend, her soulmate, her foundation, her reason for being, and she could not carry on without her.

Suicide Risk

I immediately got Candi’s sister on the call, and contacted her doctor to get her to a ‘place of safety’. She was admitted to a psychiatric facility and messages from her sister did not bode well. It was evident that Candi no longer wanted to be here. After 2 weeks in hospital she was discharged as ‘stable’ with her next consult with her psychologist in 2 months' time!

When I opened my phone to see a post entitled ‘Celebrating the Life of Candi’, I dropped to the floor in tears. 2 weeks after being discharged from hospital, Candi hanged herself. During this two-week period, her mom had contacted the psychiatrist to say that Candi was not doing well; the psychiatrist upped her meds but still made no plans to see her for a follow-up.

I knew in my heart Candi was where she wanted to be, back with her soulmate. But the pain was real. Although she had not yet been my client, I had met her and I wanted to do whatever I could to get her to want to live again. How could the doctors in the facility not have done the same? How could they have discharged her as stable? How could they have only booked her next appointment with her psychologist in 2 months’ time? Had the medical industry failed her? Has life become so flippant in our crazy world that the medical industry doesn’t have time for the personal love and care their patients require?

Candi's Legacy

My community of therapists came to my support and reminded me that Candi had checked out already. When a person is at that state, there is often nothing any one can ever do to save them. I knew this to be true, but also knew in my gut that Candi’s story and life had a significant purpose – even after her death.

You see, Candi’s story teaches us that we need to deal with our issues, daily, and get the necessary help and develop the necessary tools, so that when we get to experience a tragedy (which is part of life), we have the skills, will and resilience to deal with it. Candi’s sister says there was no doubt that Candi had suffered from co-dependency issues and depression most of her life. So, by the time this tragedy hit, Candi could not come back from it.

The beautiful Candi is a testimony and a lesson to us all, that we all have core wounds, we all have trauma, and we all have ‘stuff’ we need to work through on our journey in life. Mental health and wellness is a reality in our fast-paced, crazy lives of today and it is our responsibility to take ownership, to reach out, find help, do the work, daily, to become the best, most resilient version of ourselves.

In loving memory of Candi McAllister 29/01/1973 – 23/09/2021

Facts About Mental Health

• Almost 800,000 people die by suicide every year; 1 person dies from suicide every 40 seconds. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in individuals aged 15-29 years.
• Mental, neurological and substance use disorders make up 10% of the global burden of disease and 30% of non-fatal disease burden.
• Depression is one of the leading causes of disability, affecting 264 million people
• About half of mental disorders begin before the age of 14.
• Around 1 in 9 people in settings affected by conflict have a moderate or severe mental disorder.
• The global economy loses about US $1 trillion per year in productivity due to depression and anxiety.

Source: World Health Organisation, 2019. Mental Health.